New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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