mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
After tacos, we're chasing women.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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