I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
