Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
