Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
This is my gift to your gina
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
