Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
