On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
