Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize