i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
