forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
