she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
