My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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