I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
