There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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