You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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