The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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