I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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