I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
