someone owes me an orgasm
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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