I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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