i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
