Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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