sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
