I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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