I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
