thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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