but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
