when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
No more Irish car bombs ever.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
