I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
