smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
