So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
We need a shit load of segways right now
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
