covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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