Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
