no, he came in my armpit
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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