dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
