"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
