Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
