then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
