Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
two words...techno handjob
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize