you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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