i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
