im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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