Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Randomize
