I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
