GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
