i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
