It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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