rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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