I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
