I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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