My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
