I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
