She is in my trunk
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
