remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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