I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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