Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
