I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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