I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
