if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
