This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
