i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
