I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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