I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
