i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
