Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
