let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
time to smoke my breakfast
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
