I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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