Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
