Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
