Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
