I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
