i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
