When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
