I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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