I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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