YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
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