I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
