I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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