Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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