so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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