How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
did i walk over a car last night?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I wish there were birth control emojis
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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