fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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