Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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