i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize