So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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