I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
