Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
