my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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