I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
