Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize