She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
