i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
