just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
