Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize
