i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
