I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
