Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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